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It would slowly begin to build again, the same routine starting with the accusations. At one point, after another rollercoaster of no talking, no sex and no communication, I became increasingly concerned about how long this would continue. He drove me to a secluded place at the top of a local mountain, where he revealed that he had been “exploring” with men behind my back.

It was exhausting and we just couldn’t seem to break free. He said he needed to find out why he had such strong desires for men.

I would show up at the front door in a short skirt pretending I was the babysitter for the night.

For a time, under his persuasion, I tried being the Mistress, giving him spankings when he was a bad boy. We would argue, he would become angry and pull away and I would withhold sexually, sometimes for weeks.

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With this in mind I concluded two things: one, I wanted to be with this man because I still loved him; and two, in order for the relationship to survive we would have to end it and start anew. We decided that we will be together only because we want to.

We will free each other to do whatever we want and we will both explore sexually as we please.

This intimate decision in itself shifted how we began to see one another.

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